mammahood, a journey

Motherhood is incredible and there is no amount of unsolicited advice that will ever make a woman who is not a mother (yet) realize how awesome it really it is. You just have to experience it. There’s no way to ever prepare for it. You can have all your ducks in a row, so to speak, by having your house, making your money and being in a good place with your career, bone of those things actually prepare you. They don’t even come close to making the experience any better, only, perhaps, a little easier. It’s so exclusively mind, body, and soul and I am so incredibly grateful to do it.

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Left: 5 weeks pregnant, Right: 33 weeks pregnant

The process itself is amazing. I mean you go from this. ^^

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To this! ^^

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Nursing non stop our first days home and I’m exhausted.

One thing I was never warned about is how much newborns nurse and how much it takes out of you. It’s a huge adjustment period.

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But in the end every moment is sweet and perfect and finite and must be treasured.

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Hannah, 13 months old.

Because before you know it, they’re a toddler and that newborn you once held is only but some of your best memories.

My journey was far from perfect. I developed gestational diabetes and required a c-section because Hannah was breech. I had to be put under for the c-section because the spinal didn’t take and Hannah spent her first days in the NICU for low blood sugar. Before being discharged an orthopaedic doctor prescribed a pavlik harness for Hannah’s hips because her left had a little bit of give, a common thing for baby girls born frank breech (folded in half). She had to wear it for 6 weeks, but ultimately it all worked out because now her hips are healthy. But all of it was absolutely worth it.

My biggest challenge with motherhood was adjusting to the simple fact that my priorities changed. Completely. I had a hard time dealing with the fact that I didn’t couldn’t spend my time doing whatever I wanted. Hannah came first. Always. I never forgot that, but sometimes it felt like too much. With a newborn I was trying to find my bearings, trying to figure out who Hannah was and what worked for us. It took several months to work that out. And each month brought new phases and challenges as she grew and developed. There were times when I felt like a slave to it all, there were times when I really made the most of it, and then there were those moments where I was like, “I got this!”

Now Hannah is a toddler. She weaned, started walking (running!!), and her personality has blossomed into the greatest thing I never saw coming. Seriously. She’s a whole new kid! A far cry from the baby she once was. In my mind there is baby Hannah and now there’s toddler Hannah, and I’ll bet you anything that when she starts talking (coherently) and starts voicing her opinions my mind will once again separate her from toddler Hannah to young person Hannah.

It’s it totally mind blowing watching a human grow from birth. By far the coolest thing I could ever do on this earth is make it happen through Hannah.

Right now, I feel like “I GOT THIS!” Despite that my schedule is shift work and all over the place we have a pretty sweet thing going. Nate works from home and does so when I’m not at work and can be with Hannah, who is fairly flexible as a toddler. She’s got a routine, but one that’s fairly malleable. She’s such an easy going kid, always waving and smiling at people. She makes us laugh every single day and I CANNOT imagine my life without her, as cheesy as that may sound. Really, she is the best. But if there is one thing I’ve learned from parenthood, it’s how biased you become of your own child, lol.

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