Hmm…Wordpress is feeling like a lonely little space right now. But anyways…
Yesterday I picked up a DVD that means a lot to me. My mom had me submit a VHS for conversion and the first thing I did when I got home was watch it. It is the home video of my second birthday, so 80’s, so different, and yet all about me. I saw it before, many, many years ago when I was still a kid, thinking it was cool-but-whatever.
But now. Now. I have a two year old and my perception has changed completely. I watched myself and was so entertained by myself. I was cute! And I knew a lot of words. But I felt so connected to myself because I understood my age and development more thoroughly. And I saw a lot of Hannah in me. My dad came over once and said that she was an uncanny copy of me when I was this age. All I could do was look at him and say “Really?!” I had nothing to go on, except take his word for it. But now I do have something to go on and I’m keeping this keepsake. It’s a part of me. It’s what I once was, and watching it last night somehow sparked a new appreciation for my life, like this life in mine and it’s been pretty great.
I mean, at the end of the day I have nothing to complain about. Nothing. My parents did an excellent job keeping me from the grim reality of poverty, despite having to declare bankruptcy. We’ve been more broke than we ever seemed to be. I always had what I wanted and needed. Between my dad going to college and getting his education as a Respiratory Therapist and the family moving all the way to Saudi Arabia, my parents were finding themselves in a deep financial hole, and yet I didn’t even notice. I can’t ever remember anything being taken away from me because we couldn’t afford it. I had a TV in my room, for Pete’s sake. I had my own boombox with my own CDs, we had cable and a good sized TV. We lived in a large apartment that, to this day, I would move back into in a heartbeat because somehow it holds a special place of happiness in my heart. Goes to show that money isn’t everything, and that as long the people that matter are in a child’s life and they have food in their belly, they’re not going to feel the burden of financial stress.
And while that period in time was only 4 years out of my 29, my point is that I have happy memories. My parents were once young, and together, and owned a house, and seeing that video was a great reminder of that. I have no qualms with the way things are now. Life changes a lot in 27 years. Who the hell knows where I’m going to be in another 27 years when I’m…56. But I hope that we can provide for Hannah as well as my parents provided for me and that one day she’ll look back at all my Instagram photos and phone videos when she’s two and watch with satisfaction and wonder.