Backish

I’ll be totally honest, I had given up on this space a while ago. I see that I haven’t been on here in well over a year. Two Christmases, two new years, quit Facebook a couple of times, and a ballet recital have passed among other things. I had written a little bit elsewhere, but it was nothing if not a technical exercise. Lately I’ve been feeling the writing bug. I enjoy it, but I have a problem with inspiration in terms of content. I’ve never been interested in blogging under the modern format: branding and writing from a domain of my choosing with marketing undertones. It would mean I would have to choose a theme or subject to focus on. But what if I just wanted to ramble? Because that’s pretty much what I do.

Writing boasts healthy mental benefits. I find it easier to let go of something after I’ve put it down on some form of media, but there’s that nagging sense of validation that comes with having readers, which I have none of. Truth be told I’m bored. Not lonely. I like my own company in a good mood, but today in particular my disrupted sleep is catching up with me and I’m tired and grumpy. Social media has been hindrance I have very little patience for. I find that there’s too much emotionally driven opinion floating around that is neither helpful nor pleasant. The good stuff is few and far between, and then that good stuff is tainted by others’ negativity.

This sentiment toward Facebook comes and goes. I’ve talked and complained about it until blue in the face, but haven’t really done anything about it I will admit. But I remember a time before social media was a thing. I remember spending less time on the internet at 20 years old, and more time plugged into my brand new iPod, going places, and reading books, albeit less books that I do nowadays. Then I went to England and hung out with people fresh out of university when Facebook was limited to student bodies. It had just expanded to the public and since most of the people I had met there already had their profiles I wanted one too.

And I’ve had it ever since. My Facebook profile will be having its 10th birthday coming up very soon. I can’t remember when I registered, but it would have been before I left the UK on March 4th, 2007.

I had very recently gone through my activity feed and deleted everything from 2007 to 2013, or somewhere around there. I didn’t want it to exist anymore. All those posts, most of which were complaints or fluff didn’t jive with me.  Now in my thirties I really don’t care what I had to say in my twenties. And yet I don’t have the guts to request my account be deleted once and for all. After all, I have been documenting my child’s early years, albeit sparsely. I am reluctant to let that go despite the fact that I will have backed it all up somewhere.

I just can’t seem to answer the question: what is really keeping me there? Event invitations? Family members? Groups? I haven’t come to a decision backed with enough conviction to sway me one way or the other, and so far the trend is for me to forget entirely what all the fuss was about and just keep on keeping on.

It’s probably wiser to make a decision to quit Facebook when I’m in a better mood so that I know for sure that it is what I want. Making any decision based on a funky mood rarely ends well. But for now it has felt good write about it. And I must really do something about this keyboard. Since my mother in law spilled Pepsi on it some keys are rather sticky, on which those include the space bar and backspace. I tried to clean the stickiest keys prior with rubbing alcohol, but it didn’t seem to do much. Oh well.

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